Posts Tagged ‘jerry seinfeld’

On Tuesday Afternoon, I headed to the Civic Hospital to get a Chest X-Ray done.
As with most Medical Appointments, my main concern was being done before my ride back home arrived.

There’s been many times that I’ve either missed my ride, or was unable to even see the Doctor just because my ride showed up.

In Ottawa, we have a Service called Para Transpo, which transports Disabled people wherever they want or need to go.

This is how it works:
If you want a ride, you call the day before at 7 am.
Trying to get through to an Operator can sometimes be like winning the Lottery. Except in this case, you get the “luxury” of a ride, and the “luxury” of talking to a person who could quite possibly be holding a Gun to their head.

Once you get through, you tell them what time you need a ride for.
At this point, they can actually refuse your request if they’re already booked up at that time.
If they can’t give you your requested time, they usually put you on the “waiting list”.
This means that they’ll call you if they have an opening for that time.

So then, the next day arrives.
This is a big day for us.
We get to go out and be a part of Society, with the added bonus of getting a ride on Para Transpo.
So, the time rolls around, but wait, where’s the Bus?
This is where I mention that they’re “allowed” to be thirty minutes later.
If they don’t arrive within thirty minutes, you’re “allowed” to call to see where it’s at.

So you call up, wait a few minutes for the Operator to care enough to answer the phone.
From there, it’s like the Classic Seinfeld Episode where they’re waiting for a Table at a Chinese Restaurant.
The Operator says oh, it’ll be 5-10 Minutes.

Time rolls around, but no Bus.
Wait, they lied to you? That’s unheard of for such a classy upscale City-Owned Company.
Eventually, the Bus arrives and a jolly old man or woman is ready to take you away.
The Drivers are a friendly bunch with their top notched people skills, and clearly quite hygenic too.

So they get you on the Bus, and tie you up, like it’s some type of creepy BDSM filled voyage into the abyss. You start thinking that you’ll be there soon, and this journey will end soon.

Wrong!

Often times, they have people to pick up and/or drop off. So, good news, somebody else (a witness) will join you for your wacky adventures in Candyland.

So, eventually you get there. By this time, I’m usually praising Allah/Buddah/Oprah/Aliens that I survived the trip.
This may shock some, but they’re not exactly the best Drivers.
It doesn’t overly fill me with confidence when some of the Drivers tell me that I drive my Chair better than they drive the Van.

So from there, I arrive, get off the Van, and do whatever I’m there to do.
After that, the fun begins again.

Anyways, I got my X-Ray done.
They had to do it twice cause the first one didn’t turn out well.
I’ll find out the results on June 16th.

Before that, I headed out to meet one of the Organizers of Bluesfest to discuss Wheelchair Accessibility. The Meeting went well and if they can do what I suggested, it’ll be even better.
I’m not going to mention my ideas cause I don’t want to jinx it.

As for today, I’ve been catching up on emails from the days when I wasn’t breathing well, and didn’t feel like responding.

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I’ve been with my Wife for about 4 years now, which is by far the longest that I’ve been with someone.

Certain things happen or come up that make me wonder how women function.

Some of you probably remember the Seinfeld episodes where George is engaged to a woman. Her name escapes me right now. One of the scenes that always sticks out in my mind is where George is telling Jerry about how she’s killing independent George. It’s a classic Seinfeld moment, but I never thought that I’d relate to.

I’m about to mention something that most guys can probably understand.

Going shopping with your sig other.

I really don’t understand the allure for women, unless it’s some type of torture test.

On Friday night, I picked up my Wife from work and headed downtown for a few hours. Everything was going well and we even stopped somewhere for dinner.

I kinda had this false hope that despite the fact that we’re near a mall, there’d be no shopping or window shopping involved. Right now, a lot of you are probably thinking that I’m an idiot.

Yes, yes I am.

Literally moments after entering the mall, she says to me, Ryan, I want to go look at bras. In my head, I’m thinking this is awesome and we finally have something in common and a common goal.

I quickly realized where I was and where she was taking me. I walked in behind her and I’m surrounded by bras. Bras on CLOTHING racks, bras on hangers, and bras on headless mannequins. Not exactly the same visual that I had before entering the store.

She decides that she wants to try one on. Again, what’s going on in my head isn’t what was about to happen in reality. I’m thinking that I’d go in and watch her try it on and give her the thumbs up.

Wrong

The changeroom was right next to a cashier, so no thumbs up or anything else up for me. Before she enters, she said oh I might be 5-10 minutes in there.

Uh huh

Ten-Fifteen minutes later, she exits and says no. During that time, I’m driving around the aisle trying to picture myself in Hawaii or anywhere that has women without bras. I guess it’s not often that Bra sellers see a disabled guy in a 500 pound chair cruising around. One lady came up to me and asked if I needed help. For a split second, I thought of saying that I have man boobs and that they needed to feel secure in a bra. Instead, I said what many guys have probably told her in the past.

No thanks, I’m waiting for my Wife.

We left the store soon after and headed home.