Not a whole lot happened last night. My Wife was busy cleaning her place before she goes away this weekend.

I figured today that I’d answer some questions that I get asked often or just things people wonder about me.

So here are some questions that people ask me or wonder about. (probably)

Are you actually disabled?

BS Answer: No, I’m just really freakin lazy, and I’m in it for the chicks and the SWEET parking spots.

Truth: Yes, I was born on January 4th, 1975 with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy called Nemaline Myopathy. Muscular Dystrophy kills muscle cells. There’s various forms of NM and it affects people differently. My form affects my lungs, which renders me unable to breathe, so I use a Ventilator to breathe. I’m also unable to walk and other various things.

Is it true that you lived in a Hospital for 19 years?

BS Answer: No, I just tell that to people to see if they’re paying attention.

Truth: I lived at the Childrens Hospital Of Eastern Ontario from 1975-1994, which is infact, 19 years. When I was born, they only gave me a year to live. I lived in ICU from 1975-1981 and then got transferred to a School Aged Ward with kids who WEREN’T in Comas. I made a shitload of friends, but sadly, many of them died due to various illnesses. When the time came near that I was getting too old to be there, they asked me if I wanted to live in a Group Home or another Hospital. I chose a third option, to live on my own. On March 16th, 1994, I moved into my own Apartment with 24 hour care. At the time, I was the first person on a Ventilator to attempt it. I’m proud to say that I’m still on my own, 15 years later.

Can you speak?

BS Answer: No, I just blink & grunt when someone pisses me off.

Truth: Of course, I can speak. It can sometimes be really hard to understand me. I sound like a cross between Eric Cartman & Darth Vader. I can ONLY speak when it’s giving me a breath and that’s why I pause when I speak. Just be patient with me and don’t worry about asking me to repeat myself. I’d prefer you hear & understand me, instead of being misunderstood.

Can you have sex?

BS Answer: No, disabled people can’t have sex, should never even think about sex, or even date. If they do date, the other person MUST be disabled.

Truth: I can have sex & I abosolutely LOVE sex. The best part is that I don’t have to stop to breathe. For the record, my Wife is able bodied.

Are you married?

BS Answer: No, I sit on a street corner begging to show my penis for $1.

Truth: Yes, technically, I’m married, but not by law. Due to the type of funding that I recieve, I’m unable to marry or live with her.

Do you have any Tattoos or Piercings?

BS Answer: No, I refuse to experess myself. Tattoos are evil and my body is a Temple.

Truth: I have 5 Tattoos. My tattoos are lightning bolt on left bicep, barbwire around left wrist, chain link around my right wrist, pot leaf below left knee shaped like the Canadian Flag, and below it, it says OH CANABIS, and chinese wording which means unique, on my lower right leg. I want to get at least one more one day.

Are you Mentally Challenged?

BS Answer: Yes, I personally think I’m the King of Siam and Birds are out to get me.

Truth: While some people would argue that I am, I’m in fact NOT Mentally Challenged.

Is it true that you did Stand-Up Comedy?

BS Answer: No, I sat outside The Salvation Army for two years yelling at people. It was GOLD, baby!

Truth: Yes, I did Stand-Up Comedy for two years at Yuk Yuk’s and other local venues from 2006-2008.

Why don’t you do it anymore?

BS Answer: Too many people started throwing shit at me and I kept forgetting to wear a Helmet for protection.

Truth: Long story short, there’s no more Wheelchair Accessible Comedy Clubs in Ottawa, including the main one I performed at. Yuk Yuk’s changed locations and it’s no longer Wheelchair Accessible.

Do you miss it?

BS Answer: No, I make others laugh. Mostly old people when I run them over.

Truth: Honestly, I miss certain aspects of it like making people laugh. However, I don’t miss the politics of it or the brown nosing involved. I do plan to return someday/ somehow, but it’ll be done on MY terms. Believe me, the curtain hasn’t closed yet.

What do you do for fun these days?

BS Answer: I sit home all day and think about myself in a different City or Country, while I hold a Gun to my head.

Truth: During the day, I usually take care of business, making phone calls, emailing people, and taking care of my life. In between that, I’m usually on Twitter or Facebook, or just surfing the web. I spend alot of time outdoors in the Summer doing various things. I also enjoy watching TV, listening to music, watching movies. The time that I have left over is usually spent with my Wife.

Aren’t you that guy I see everywhere in Ottawa, such as the Market, downtovn, Sparks Street etc etc.

BS Answer: No, that’s my Twin Brother, Juan.

Truth: Yup, if you’re from Ottawa, and you’re downtown often, you’ve probably seen me, especially in the Summer. So, if you see me around in person, don’t be shy to approach me. I like knowing that you’ve seen me or you read my blog.

Are you a happy person?

BS Answer:
No, I’m a very angry, bitter person, and I hate my life.

Truth: I’m generally a very happy, easy-going, laid back type of person. While it’s no secret that I’ve had my ups & downs in life, the same can be said about pretty much anyone reading this. I have a good life, a great Wife. I also believe that OJ used a knife. How’s that for rhyming skills?

Well, that’s it for now.
If any of you have any questions, please feel free to contact me through here, or by email, or on Facebook or Twitter.

Perhaps I’ll even do another Q & A post in the future.

Thanks for reading.

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Comments
  1. Tammy says:

    I love your answers. They make me giggle. I hope my son grows up to have your attitude.

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